today feels uncomfortable; it was our first day exploring the island. Bob said we were piss poor at planning. I don't agree with that, but it wasn't enjoyable as I had hoped. I didn't like the feeling that I was intruding on the island but I feel as though I don't belong. There has to be the component of race being part of the issue, and it isn't easy to see how that can be overcome. Just something to be aware of. The white folks are not so friendly either; I guess you just have to have a thinck hide and be a bullishly in your face friendly as Tom is; he seems to get people to smile anyway.
I am learning more about the area and it seems like a nice idea to go exploring, but I hope that it isn't one long disappointment after another. My expectations are not in sync with the reality here--right now it feels like one long pub crawl, doling out the money as we go. this won't be much fun if it is just about drinking. It makes me want to go make a dark and stormy just thinking about it.
Bob is in a sour mood. It's affecting me, and it's hard not to take it personally. It is natural to come down after a big high. The first night I felt like I was in free-fall--so dazed and lightheaded. Now it is settling in, but in a discomfiting way. This is all transition, I know. Pretty soon we will be off adventuring, but right now, I just feel like holing up with a book and escaping. Guess that is natural.
Also, I don't feel all that qualified to write about this adventure, since there are so many other people who are self appointed experts. I don't even have a clue what would be interesting. I just am having an inner voyage at the moment and it happens to be surrounded by lovely scenery. So I don't feel I have the right to my emotions. Tomorrow will be another day--that's good.
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